The writer reflects on a peaceful morning and the arrival of spring, finding joy in the changing seasons. Despite challenges in motherhood and finding her new identity, she seeks comfort in creativity and cherishes small moments. She shares her enthusiasm for new books and stationery, and reflects on Japan – again.

spring slowly

The alarm went off this morning at 6h and while I was truly ready to go when the birds (on the alarm) were chirping, I decided it was the weekend and I chose more sleep, going off of the vibe that my son was giving off since he still hadn’t stirred. If my husband wasn’t yet awake, I didn’t want to disturb him, either (he’s not usually a big sleeper). R ended up waking at 7h and the sun was already up at that point, which brought me so much joy because that’s the most prominent evidence of spring on the horizon. I didn’t miss the morning of silence because I knew I’d have a little time to write before my shower, this morning. It is the weekend, after all! Plus — I woke in the most fabulous, most inspired mood; the day is invigorating as it is.

Spring shows her beautiful face, and winter grey fades into the abyss. I don’t get seasonal depression in the winter, I get seasonal cozy – though, truth be told, I was really worried about moving to this region because I was sure the winters were completely grey. How wrong I was; higher up the mountain, closer to the sun. The winters here were 75% clear blue skies with a winter warmth I’ve never known before. Being close to the lake, last year, the winters could be rather bone-chilling. Here, it was crisp enough for warm blankets, candles, and hot tea but nothing this Canadian thought was unbearable.

musings from yesterday

Last night after dinner I couldn’t manage any pages of my book, let alone sit and creative journal. It just wasn’t in me. I had no energy so I went straight to bed and fell asleep within moments. Sometimes, despite the excitement of a plan, you just need to listen to your body and what it needs. And despite the disappointment of losing my evening which would have been time for me (baby got to sleep late because of his weird schedule yesterday), I was being called to bed and to refuse it would have been unwise. I think I woke up in a great mood today because I listened to my body, last night. But this great mood is also very scatter-brained and I am finding it hard to focus on any one task.

I went thrifting yesterday and R was fantastic during the entire visit so I really got to take my time. I ended up with a few books for me and my son, and a couple toys — a few I’ll be gifting him for Easter/Pesach/Ostara. I decided, why do I need to buy new for the little holidays? Why can’t I just grab some perfect condition thrifted goods which all achieve the same purpose; joy on the holiday morning? This round, while the board books were lacking, the toys were thriving. I’ve never been so tempted by so many items in one visit. The stuff they had was incredible and all in wonderful condition! Wooden toys from so many top brands and practically new.

Of course, I tried to make a Reel about it for Instagram but it failed multiple times, even posting at one point despite all the captions and audio being messed up. The more frustrated I get with this app, the more I think it’s signs from the Universe to stay way from it.

our motherhood bodies

I am wearing jeans for the first time since before my pregnancy. I’m not living in Paris anymore, I’m living in the land of the ski, so I felt comfortable fitting in with leggings and dresses around here. Today, I put on one of my smaller jeans and… they don’t fit. They’re so big, I can slide them off – with thick leggings under – without undoing them. I lost so much weight after giving birth, and while I am sure many mothers will read this and roll their eyes and feel zero sympathy for my loss, I think a post-partum body is unique to every mother and how they process this new body is valid. I had curves before my pregnancy and I lost them after it; the irony.

I have always been thin but I had a curvy chest and a curvy behind and I felt sexy in my body. I don’t feel sexy anymore (which is fine), but I’m comfortable and accept my body as it is: it made life, that’s no small task. Look at the earth in all her magnifient and imperfect beauty. But, following birth, my son seemed to take my curves with him – my chest is gone, my butt is gone, my insides are all funky (c-section), and I lost significant weight (but gained significant muscle). I am stick-like, so I don’t feel sexy. People on the internet criticize skinny people just as much as they criticize fatter ones; women’s bodies will always be criticized. I don’t care what people say about my body, that doesn’t bother me at all. However, it would be nice to not have to buy an entirely new wardrobe in children’s sizes, honestly.

Along with my new body, it’s been quite difficult to discover my new mom style. My wardrobe is as scattered as my brain is, and there’s no real unity to what I buy. I just buy what I like – and what’s cheap – but find myself admiring the old clothes of Claudia with eager longing, while trying to step into my era of mom cozy without dressing like a grandma. My clothes used to be a piece of my identity (“That’s totally a Claudia dress!”) but now they’re just something I throw on thoughtlessly, much rather choosing to be shlub (as I call it, which means a mix between homeless and homebody – lol) and cozy over cute and crisp, especially since I never know what the day will entail until I move forward in it. I know this struggle is not unique to me. I know it is a Universal Mother Struggle.

It’s important to note that before we went out, I change out of my jeans. Alas, that was short lived.

unsorted thoughts of books and things

The Life-Giving Home has taken “center stage” for my current pile of books. It will be the book I grab the most, and while it’s essentially Christian in nature, it seems that the underlining message is to create a home that is rooted in love, spirituality, and comfort — and that’s something I can get on board with. It’s written by a mother and daughter, and there is a forewarning that there may be parts that are repetitive, as they share their perspectives of the same aspect of home. As always, you can expect updates on this book on this blog and my Instagram.

I got two journals today (and a set of soft highlighters and a new pencil holder for my desk) and my intention is to start my creative journaling tonight. The only problem I now have is whether I choose between the Traveler’s Notebook standard size knockoff design (that has lined pages; not a favourite), or the graphed pages of the lie-flat, larger notebook. Will I be more inclined to journal if my book is smaller? Or is the convenience of the larger one with the pages that are more inviting for writing, in particular, more likely to trigger my creativity? I find myself endlessly immersed in Japan stationery vlogs and creatively inspired but not actually moving forward with the action of journaling, with my first excuse being not having a new journal for the new year to start my process, and now being on the fence about which journal to choose. Am I just making excuses to avoid starting a new routine in my life?

No, that’s it: I’ve decided. The smaller green traveler’s knockoff will be for morning affirmations, gratitudes, and putting in ephemera from trips, events, and outings. The bigger journal will be my real creative journal, for larger, more expressive work (on paper I like better for creative process and writing.

I really missed out on so much about Japan because I went there in a whim and completely unprepared for how wonderful and exciting it would all be. I didn’t plan stocking up on quality stationery, I didn’t visit the Starbucks Roastery and collect my mug, I didn’t leave with many timeless memory pieces – I just walked around excitedly and often visited the same areas over and over just to get a different fill of the city.

I absolutely want to go back one day, especially with Jordan, but now we have a child so it’s a different experience vacationing with a little. In addition, we reserve so many of our “big trips” for Canada which doesn’t leave much time for a 12h flight to Tokyo. I really would like to do Tokyo and Kyoto the next time around, too. I’m grateful I took the leap and went on my own and got a taste of this incredible country/city, but I definitely should have planned more carefully. It’s an entirely different world and while I’m usually a spontaneous traveller (I don’t go with very specific plans or ideas), this country needs it. There’s far too much to see and do.

This is where I stop because it’s 18h40 and with having to make dinner and wanting to get some reading and journaling in, I need to ensure I’m not ending our meal at 20h45 and am too exhausted to continue. Hoping you all had a beautiful first Saturday of the month, and don’t forget that my giveaway on Instagram ends tomorrow!

I’m still booking my services for later this month, so don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re curious about spirit baby, past lives, lightcode, or full mediumship readings.

xx C

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A notebook, a pen, and my Kindle – packed with books. This was an easy answer.