Join me on a rollercoaster of sleep, self-prioritization, and unexpected nature walks in the mountainous journey of motherhood. Explore the challenges of finding the right balance between rest, pursuing joys, and embracing the discomfort that shapes both a child’s peace and a mother’s resilience. Plus, discover the ever-evolving transformations in my website, book choices, and the cosmic influence of past lives. Get ready for a candid exploration of the messy, beautiful chaos that defines the awakened mama’s world!

Sometimes, you just need to admit to yourself that motherhood can be exhausting. There are no two-ways about it. There’s no need to sugar coat the beautiful aspects of it while simultaneously ignoring the reality: I’m running on low sleep. And the crazy thing is that my son is actually an incredible sleeper and he has been since we weaned him off night feeds at 6 months old. He is a sleep 10-12 hour a night kid. He still is! But my son is also addicted to routines, and somehow knows exactly when it’s 16h30 and requests his milk. Milk then triggers dinner to follow and then digestion, and then, on time, exactly twelve hours later – the messy stuff (poop). And so he’s up at 4h30. And we are subsequently up at 4h30

Since a diaper change is now a wrestling match, he has all the energy he needs to start his day. Not to mention he’s hungry; morning milk must follow that horrendous diaper change experience. So, sleep is over. For the entire house. At 4h30 in the morning. It doesn’t matter if he’s gone to sleep at 17h30, 18h30, or even if we try and push it all the way to 19h30 – if that milk is at 16h30 the day before, y’all know his body is getting him up at 4h30. And because – as I mentioned – he’s addicted to routine, I’m not really sure how to push that milk to later (for my own sake).

I am technically going to bed at a reasonable hour. Lately, I’ve been in bed by 21h and asleep in less than thirty minutes. By all adult sleep needs standards, I’m getting more than enough rest. But there’s something about motherhood that makes you need more. I know there must be something scientific to this, it just hasn’t been properly studied. I think scientists should study the sleep needs of a childless human vs. a mother. It’s not even the same for dads because, although my husband would love additional hours of sleep, he’s functioning just fine within thirty minutes of being up-and-at-it. Maybe it’s because we are still on even at night time that our bodies require more sleep. We never really turn off, so it’s hard to truly recover.

When you are also trying to prioritize yourself and most of that follows when the kiddo is asleep, there is a dual-feeling of guilt for having wasted the night on sleep when it could have been spent on your joys. And then you don’t have the energy to invest in your joys! It’s just an endless cycle of confusion, truly. Do I stay up one hour later knowing my son’s body will have him ready to go by 5h? What is more important to me, my joys or my sleep? Truly: I have always felt sleeping to be a waste and I used to wake up 1.5 hours before my alarm just so I could enjoy the silent morning, but motherhood is an entirely new game! It has me so conflicted with priorities, defining self-care, as well as what nourishment can ensure longevity of energy. It can be a truly confusing venture.

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I have changed my website, as you can see. I have softened the text and made it more feminine, I’ve added more whitespace to my homepage, I’ve made text smaller and less intense, I’ve adjusted the colour palette, etc.. What do you think? I am one of those people who always scrolls through her website and stares at it intensely like a creative project I can change and develop and make better. I always want my website to look like a page I’d love to be on, so I’m always trying to discover new ways to make it approachable and enjoyable to scroll. I’m sure it will change again, soon, once I work through the course (that’s another thing that I have to commit to afterhours…).

I have also decided that the book Rewilding Motherhood is now a Did Not Finish book. I truly believe there are too many books in the world – and too many wonderful ones – to waste time on books that do not speak to your soul. This book presented itself as being focused on spiritual motherhood, feminine spirituality, and the divine regrowing of our womban identity after becoming an awakened mama, but it was nothing like that. It was a manifesto of victimhood, full of pandering, complaining, and anger. It didn’t sit well with my spirit and didn’t speak to me at all, so after 60 pages, I have given up on it. I may return to it later to check if I missed something but I have far too many other books that I am excited about meeting on the path of my personal education. The book was literally not even 1% of what I expected.

Speaking of books that are not what I expected, I’m still reading through Wild+Free Family and while it started off as something that I couldn’t put down, by chapter seven it went back into typical Wild+Free level content where I am losing interest. It’s also nothing like the cover describes, and at first, when the content was good, I had no issue with this difference! But it’s just become an ego trip with nothing tangible and helpful for me, so despite being near the finish line, it may also become a DNF book. Time will tell!

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My son is a nature-connected soul who endlessly pushes me out of my comfort zone when I least expect it. We just got in from a walk – and a nap for the little to follow – and it was an unexpected walk, of course, demanded by R. “Walk!” he stated, confidently. I was hoping he was referring to just another walk around our living space, but he pointed to the door and said, “Walk! Out! Walk!” So the family strapped up and we headed out. Again, it’s not like I don’t enjoy walks, but when you live on a mountain, mindless walks include copious hills. On cool February mornings when you’re running on low sleep, my head is not yet there.

Perhaps in our past lives together he pushed and challenged me like this, as well. I am aware of a few of our past lives together. I find that learning about your past life connection with your child helps you better understand the dynamic, how to navigate it, and what lessons are repeating through lifetimes that need healing. It’s for that reason I launched my Past Life Intercession Reading service; I want others to also be aware of a life they shared with their child(ren) so that they can become better together. Anyway, I am sure that when he was my mentor/guru in our last life together, he made me, his student, do many things that were uncomfortable. They were done with the intention to challenge me, to help me recognize my own resilience, to shift my mindset in the moment, or merely to teach me a lesson that not all of the paths we need to walk in life will be comfortable and joyous – in fact, some of the most difficult paths are the hardest to walk.

In this lifetime, as his mother, it is a perfect reminder of working to find comfort in discomfort. Motherhood is messy, can be ugly, is not all rainbows and butterflies, often requires a submission of your soul (and identity), and requires strength as you bend the knee to the needs of another. When R forces me onwards in a direction I would have not chosen for us, a path that brings him a sense of peace, comfort, and autonomy, I am learning the loosen the reigns when the horse doesn’t need taming and succumb to the ride. In the end, his peace feeds my peace – so it’s not a loss (even if it means a lot more work for me).

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Mercury and Pluto are currently in Aquarius and perhaps it’s for that reason that I am so scattered, spacey, foggy, and unfocused. I want to do so much and yet I don’t know what it is. I want to create so much and yet I’m not sure what to create. I want to write so much and yet I’m not sure what more to say. I want to invoke more life into my space through creative changes and yet I’m feeling drained and lazy. I know that I’m on the precipice of transformation and yet I’m not sure what that change will be.

Or, quite honestly, it could just be the lack of sleep. Who am I kidding?

I have a new Awakened Mama Community post up, today! It’s Heidi from @SimplyRaisingLittles on Instagram. Please remember that if you wish to be featured on my blog and my Instagram stories by being a part of this community, I would be honoured to have you! You don’t even need to be fully into your spiritual self; if you are working towards raising conscious littles in a way that betters the planet, you’re a perfect fit for a feature! It’s a little exposure for you and it’s essential community building for mamas. It’s a win-win. Check out today’s feature.

xx C