I don’t think non-parents realize just how much time they have, and how much time they take for granted. I certainly didn’t when I was childless.

When I wanted to grab my purse and go out, I did it.
When I wanted to hit a coffee shop and read, I did.
When I wanted to go out for lunch or for dinner, I went.
When I needed a nap, I napped.
When I wanted to veg, I vegged.
When I wanted to take a break from WFH, I watched Netflix.
When I wanted to eat, I ate.
When I wanted to dive into a book, I dove.
When I wanted to write, I wrote.
When I wanted to do errands, I did errands.
Whenever I wanted to do something, I could do that something.

This is just not possible with a child. Not if you’re a hands-on mother (ie. not if you don’t have a nanny or a babysitter).

This is the first time in over a month that my child hasn’t woken up at the exact moment I’ve risen from the bed. Mornings are when I get my personal writing done, so essentially my writing has been shot. First nap is scheduled for: Seeking Celestial Grace or Awakened Little Souls work for clients, me eating my lunch, and prepping my son’s lunch. There is no time in that period for anything more. Then, when he goes down for the evening, my braincells are shot and writing or reading is simply impossible. It’s directly to meal prep for dinner, then crashing on the couch until I’m tired by 20h/20h30 (yes, that early).

Listen, I’m not complaining about the job I signed up for. This is the greatest job in the world. I am yelling at my previous self, internally, and yelling at childless folks, externally, for taking their free time for granted.

You are taking it for granted.

It is a gift that you’ve failed to recognize how precious and lucky you are to have it. I certainly didn’t recognize that me taking a car and going to a bookshop whenever I wanted without an impatient child in-tow was a privilege. I certainly didn’t recognize that my ability to wind-down in my introverted happy bubble of silence with a book and a tea or at a coffee shop was a special kind of blessing. This does not exist post-children. So, my quick advice in this very quick blog post before my son wakes up again is this:

Use it wisely. Use your time wisely, before it no longer belongs to you but is owned and determined and guided by the demands and needs and wants of another. If you’re a napper, prepare to lose the naps so start weaning them off. If you’re a reader, find another avenue that allows you to get your words in (lots of mothers recommend audiobooks but I’m not an auditory learner). If you like your coffee shop dates all by your lonesome, pack your weeks with them and be ready to say goodbye, at least until they start school. Adjust your schedule now because the disappointment that may follow once realization sets in can be immense. It really is tied to the loss of identity that comes with motherhood, too.

I know a lot of people will roll their eyes and say, Pfft… I’m not adjusting my life for my kid. I’ll fit my kid into my life. To them, I say: best of luck to you. Let me know how it goes and whether your hair falls out in the process.

If you want to support my work, please check out my books and journals. If you want to work with me as a spiritual healer, check out my services through Seeking Celestial Grace and Awakened Little Souls.

xx C