Blessed Spring Equinox/Ostara, beautiful readers!

Don’t forget that earlier this month, I wrote a blog on activities for Ostara that you can do with your family; have a read, here.

Today, baby woke right when I woke at 5h which meant I had no morning to settle into the day with myself. Then, he boycotted his nap which meant I: didn’t eat a proper lunch, couldn’t prepare his lunch, couldn’t prepare his dinner, couldn’t write, and couldn’t respond to work emails and work. I have been awake for 13 hours, and all 13 of them were serving someone else. I haven’t had any time to serve myself. And now, this space, writing here, doesn’t feel like I’m serving myself either. It feels like work; like a duty that I need to do before I get to the next thing (which is work, then making dinner, then bed, and then the cycle repeats).

And so I’ve decided on Ostara and on the 60th day of my consecutive writing in this space that I will not be writing here, daily, anymore.

They say it takes 21 days to keep a habit but I’ve read it can take anywhere from 21 to 60. I am at 60 and I am breaking this habit. All I felt, all day, was the anxiety of not being able to write here. The anxiety of it being my task that I had to do when I finally, after thirteen hours awake, got my son to sleep. I will write here when I feel called to do so. I will share blog posts from the list of content ideas I created, something more beneficial to the collective. I will use a personal journal for my mindless and mundane ramblings, and save this space for something that brings you more value. And when it doesn’t feel like an anxiety sitting in my chest but a joy I wish to release.

I haven’t even been posting photos here because I just don’t have it in me to edit, send the photos to myself, wait for them to send in the application because the internet is garbage, open browser, download said photos, upload photos to WordPress, etc.. I do not believe in continuing something when it starts to feel like work. I also am a strong believer in the importance of the idea of letting go in motherhood (I’m working on a blog post about it — if only the kid would give me some time to write it).

I’m letting go of writing daily in this space, today. I need it. My motherhood journey needs it.

There are new seeds to plant.

Happiest of Equinoxes.

xx C

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That thin mothers can have difficulties bonding with their postpartum body, as well. Check out the reel I posted today, to understand what I mean.