The early morning has disrupted my writing schedule, but I’m finding solace in my new Japanese stationery. Despite the guilt of using my Traveler’s Notebook as a vegetarian, I’m seeking forgiveness and hope to bond and break into it soon. These little journaling joys encourage my creative growth.

thoughts about baby and writing

R was up at 4h30 this morning.

He must be going through some kind of developmental change because he then asked for a nap at 8h which is very early for him. My hope is that it’s related to growth and that he hasn’t caught a bug, as I haven’t been feeling 100% either.

Of course, 4h30 is not the issue; the issue is that I didn’t get any writing done in the morning before catering to my duties. He talked in his bed until 5h at which point he began to call out mama. I don’t really know why he’s waking so early, since he’s not soiled. In fact, his diaper is near dry — perhaps he is readying himself to start potty training and this is indication that he is rising when he “needs to go.” In addition, though I hope I am wrong, I anticipate that his nap will be cut short since it was so early, as well.

So, I’m writing now. It’s 9h as I type this sentence. The sky is dark and grey and March has truly come in like a lion. The Simpsons once made a joke: lousy Smarch weather. It’s true – the weather shifts from spring is on the horizon! to spring is cloaked grey and no where to be found. This afternoon we are meeting my husband for lunch which will be a great (indoor) way to break up what is sure to be a long afternoon, especially with a nap at 8h30.

In an attempt to kickstart my own inspiration and my creative desire and exploration in my (multiple) notebooks, I have been reading my DK book, Great Diaries. It is quite funny how many writers have also gone through slumps and blocks where they, like me, write: what is the purpose? Why do I bother? Why do I have nothing to give? The struggle is universal. As is Truth.

Speaking of Truth, last night I dreamt I removed myself from the Instagram app, that I stopped creating content for growth, and I stopped hyper-obsessing over the growth of my healer business. It’s really hard to feel as though I am contributing effectively to this family by solely writing. Yes, I am a writer. However, I am also a healer. And, for both, I have no idea how to market myself. I hope for the best – is that foolish or is that trust in the Universe? Could it be both?

I feel like everything I write in here is the same, every day.

japanese stationery and the traveler’s company passport notebook

As I mentioned, I received my Amazon Japan order and the quality of the products are simply undeniable. There is absolutely nothing like Japanese stationery, and nothing makes me more excited about journaling than working with Japanese stationery. This time, I “splurged” a little and got myself my very first Traveler’s Notebook, Passport in Camel, and accessories. I use splurge in quotations because, had I been buying it from Amazon France or any stationery shop here, it would be an expensive purchase. Buying from Amazon Japan saved me nearly half the cost, if not more (with shipping).

I have been hesitating for ages because it’s leather and, as a vegetarian, I usually never buy leather products. I have avoided this journal for four years of knowing about it and it’s popularity in the journaling community. The guilt of leather products can be all-consuming, and, to be quite honest, it is feel with this product, as well. I am all-consumed by the guilt when I hold it. I am working with Source to clear me of this, as I didn’t buy it with the mindset of, “Oh, who cares?” but rather bought it, and then later remembered, “Ah, right — it’s leather. That’s why I have been hesitating for so long.”

I genuinely forgot, too excited about the price and the beauty of it to remember that I am a vegetarian and this is not a world I like to contribute to. Writing authentically about this and confessing my guilt in this space is helping. My only hope is that the leather used was from an animal not killed for its skin but who was a product of the meat industry and therefore it couldn’t be avoided. I hope the animal forgives me. It will be my first and my last cover purchases – should I go to Japan, I will get the accessories but not the covers.

It’s a beautiful notebook and I am looking forward to making it a part of my journaling life, with the hope that it is not tainted by my guilt. I have cleansed the notebook (and myself) with sage, apologizing to the animal, and thanking it for it’s sacrifice and asking it for forgiveness. I still have not decided on its purpose, only that it will come with me. I’d like to “set it up” first before it travels in my bag, though. I hope to customize it with charms and items to make it my own.

I also got another little landscape notebook that’s meant to sit in front of a laptop for easy go-to notes, but I plan to use it as a reading log and review space. And along with that, I got various pens, stamps, and tools. All these purchases are little joys meant to encourage my commitment to pursuing my passions and pleasures. I know they make me a better mom; I know they also help with introspection and creative spiritual growth. Whether this will be a space that gets a little quieter as I make more room for physical writing, I am unsure. In the meantime, I am just embracing all the places open to my writing and release, and thanking universe for the time to do it.

xx C

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I live in France – the ideal way to see the country is, quite obviously, via train.