This post captures the journey of a mother finding joy in solitude and reflection. It delves into the sacredness of being present, reconnecting with personal passions, and navigating societal expectations on what it means to be truly successful. It touches on past lives, joy in motherhood, and the impact of social media, all while expressing hope and renewal for the future.

enjoying solitude in motherhood

It’s 19h20 on 25/02/2024. I have another moment of solitude to myself. My husband went with his brother to pick-up dinner for the night. It is nice, slipping into this silence, this quiet house, my space, my solitude. It’s nice to have this little moment with me, again. In three months, I really have forgotten that I enjoy my own company. There is a sacred art to solitude, and I think I am remembering the dance. I have rediscovered the profound beauty that lies in moments of quiet introspection. As an introvert, I find solace and invigoration in these tranquil spaces where I can reconnect with my inner self.

In the hushed whispers of solitude, I unearth a deep connection with my spiritual essence that allows me to nurture me, so that I can be the most present and awakened mama for my little one and the best wife to my husband. It is a tapestry and I have rediscovered the woven threads of joy and creativity and replenishment in these moments. It is weird to feel fully alive in this moment. It is weird to want to do so much and yet know that time is fleeting and they’ll be back in mere minutes. So, what’s the best way to take advantage of this short date with me? I believe a meditation or spiritually inspiring YouTube video is the answer.

I am feeling a pull back to creative journaling but it’s one of those things that I’m not sure how I will make time for it. I am trying to consider where I can fill pockets with slow motherhood moments that bring me joy – beyond my darling boy – when he is both awake and when he is asleep. I’m a person who thrives on routines and I’m almost tempted to start scheduling my me time, very precisely. Quite honestly, if I removed social media entirely, I’d have way more time in my schedule. If I didn’t reach for the phone but instead reached for a book, I’d find myself filling those open slots with my little real joys (not my distractions and destressers).

The problem is that I am enjoying our healthier eating and making a (bit) more time for the meal I prepare, so I want to continue to prioritize that. Reading is obviously top of the list. Writing will shift into my naptime-only moment with myself, before I prep lunch and dinner for the little (and myself). If I were to make a schedule, would that defeat the purpose of it being joyful? Would my conformity to a routine (even though I love routine) make it feel like work? Reading and writing is most important; is my creative journal a priority if I’m already writing? Is it one or the other? Or is it just the creative act that my heart is longing for? What about the herbalist talk of yesterday – has that already passed? What about growing your business through Instagram, have you let that go even though you are on the edge of 600 followers? What about the newfound interest for destressing with Pinterest? What about, what about, what about…

It is truly wild to reflect on how many free hours I had before become a mother and how I took endless advantage of them. What a waste, what a fool I was, how often I sat in front of a computer when there was an entire world waiting to be explored – without running after a little kid in the process. Life is infinitely better with my son in it, there is no question about that, but I don’t think childless people realize how much time they truly have. Anyone who is childless and complains about not enough time in the day has really poor time management, because there is time, babe — there’s a helluva lotta time.

I’m really beginning to lean back towards that early morning wakeup that I used to practice like a religion. Slow mornings were my everything. Slow mornings were how I set the precedent for the entire day. We will see how the transition goes this week with my husband headed back to work Thursday (half)/Friday. We will see what a new schedule is like, what life with an alarm on again is like, how R will respond to these changes, if there will be a shift in his schedule (allotting me more time in the evening, perhaps). One day at a time, one day at a time – I just know that if all this creative life is bubbling within me, I need to respond to it.

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past lives of children

This morning I was thinking about how I used to be drawn to crystals as a young child. I would collect them from a store in Canada called Green Earth. Every once and a while, after going to the dentist in the mall, my mother would bring me to choose another one. It’s a weirdly specific memory. But I was reflecting on it because I thought: there is a reason I was drawn to crystals as a kid. It’s the same reason why my son is drawn to the Himalayan salt lamps and my multiple crystals around the living room – he feels the energy of these high vibrating items and aligns with them. Children are far more aware of their connection to Source and this is reflected in their natural instinct to be pulled into nature, to touch and collect high vibrational items, to be curious about things that are spiritual in essence. Children are truly aligned with the energy of Consciousness and you can spot this in their interests.

I also believe a lot of interests or hyper-obsessions relate to past lives. In particular, as an example, I think my son last lived in a time where there were no vehicles that moved on their own and this extreme fascination has arisen from the pure wonder of wow and how?! While my husband has some youthful interest for things that move and construction vehicles, it was never really shared with R and this passion has arisen on its own (and is fed through our support). On the other side of the spectrum, I think extreme unexplainable hates can also be a clue into past lives.

the hustle is a lie

I saw this on Instagram and posted a little story about it earlier:

Once again, this aligns with a child’s ability to be connected to Source and to understand their true purpose on this planet (healing). I think that women, in particular, are sold the idea that being a “girl boss” and incredible achievement up the ladder of our career and making a lot of money is the ultimate achievement in life. We wear it like a badge of honour: I’m overworking myself, I’m making a lot of money, and I’m severely depressed despite being told this would bring me happiness — but I have a really cool job title and I make awesome commission! Yay!

I think it is feminine nature to want to bend into soft, compassionate roles in life, and to find true soul satisfaction through serving our children and caring for our families. I believe it is the patriarchy which has sold us the plan of “be a girl boss” in order to create yet another cog in the system that pays higher taxes to the government and is dependant on medicine to cure their “unexplainable dissatisfaction with life.” I believe you can like your work and enjoy your job, but I don’t believe that people get a true soul-satisfaction from moving up the business ladder. I think we are taught that it brings us real satisfaction and we convince ourselves that it brings us joy, but if we take stock of our stresses in life, they’re often tied to underperformance, adopting a role we thought would impress others, the responsibilities of the workload, Sunday scaries, or being unable to find a proper work-life balance.

I think if women were given the choice to stay home – without the worry of perception to others, financial burdens, or the stress of feeling like you need to be self-reliant because trauma taught you that you can’t rely on men/being an independent woman is more important and more amazing than your husband being the breadwinner/it’s a step back for women to take on a role in the house – that 98% would choose staying home, taking care of their baby, the home, and nursing their passions. Show me a woman who would choose a job over their baby and I’ll show you a woman who saw baby as a checklist in life and has trauma surrounding motherhood. I hope she heals. For herself and for the baby.

I bought into the girl boss story for years and am so much happier with a husband who takes care of the family and lets me pursue my soul-passions and true life purpose. But, of course, this requires marrying someone who is not a narcissist/is not controlling/does not monitor the finances and your use of them, to be something you are comfortable falling into. That’s a whole other issue and a whole other topic, honestly, and that is out of the scope of motherhood and into the scope of relationship health.

It reminds me of a class in my high school; quite honestly, I believe the name of it was homemaking. In this class, you were taught basic and upgrade cooking skills, you learned how to brand and market a business (to then sell those goods you learned how to bake), and you were also given a baby as a final project. It was a robotic baby and it came with tools (a bottle, food, a toy, stroller, etc.). You could not anticipate the temperament of your robotic baby and you had to mother it appropriately. All your actions – including your ability to respond to crying in efficient time – were recorded by the robotic baby. You had to keep it with you at all times. It was essentially done to convince teenager girls not to have sex and risk getting pregnant (Catholic school), but I think the education system failed to see just how valuable this class could be.

It didn’t get you a college or university credit, it got you a life skills credit, and life skills credits were sold to us as being for special needs students and students with no future. Yes, that is honestly how it was pitched to us. So, most people avoided these classes because they were a space in your schedule that you couldn’t risk taking up, especially if it crossed over with a “more valuable” university credit course. Meanwhile, every other Instagram account is now trying to sell you the homesteader and homemaker life! It’s a commodity! It’s a new market! Because, ultimately, people are beginning to realize that what’s more marketable and more valuable than money in the bank, a big fancy house, brand name clothes, and dinners at five-star restaurants, is a slow life, indulging in your joys, and being with your babies.

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the discomfort of social media

I know I say this every day but every day it seems to get more and more transparent: social media is turning me off. I am immensely grateful for the connections I’ve made through there and they are a community of awakened mamas that I would have never been able to find in the real world on my own, but the random content that appears in my feed has become less joyful and more triggering. The fear-based emotionally-triggering content shared by mothers and momfluencers as fact is not only bad, it’s dangerous.

How do people do that so confidently? How do they not only make mothers feel guilty or wrong for their choices but also present it with an air of authority, with confidence in their lie as truth, like a little dictator in a public space? How do people go to sleep at night knowing this create, share, and spread content like this? I can barely sleep if I post a reel about my business, never mind if I were posting reels saying that PVC has chemicals that seep into your baby’s skin if you simply touch PVC plastic toys. I kid you not — that’s what I read, today.

What absolute hogwash, and can you imagine how fearful that would make an uneducated mother who is just doing their damn best? I hope this person isn’t taking showers or baths because waterlines are PVC. It’s so insanely dangerous that people who spread content like that are not only given a platform to do it but are pushed by Instagram to reach the eyes of others (like the way I fell upon it, today). The more I reflect, the more I am turned off, the more I am pulled to blogging and blogs that speak about slow motherhood, slow business growth, and organic pulls to more meaningful and energetically aligning content.

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spiritual growth for ostara

It’s the last week with dad at home. New routines and new beginnings await us at the end of this week, which will certainly fly by – as every week does. My hope is that you are entering this Monday with a renewed sense of purpose and rest from the weekend. My hope is that a week is not seen, in your eyes, as a challenge or a struggle or an opportunity to be pulled from moments with your child and family. My hope is that the weather, where you are, is warming and is going to enable some glorious adventures with your little(s). My hope is that you start to detach from things that are addictive but do not bring you joy, like social media for myself. My hope is that you prioritize your happiness and not climbing the later. My hope is that abundance greets you at the start of this week, and enough to spare and share is how it ends.

It’s hard to believe we are already nearing the end of February. Even with it’s extra leap, we flew through this month. There are a few books I’ll take off the shelves and enter into the rotation shortly as we enter Ostara; they’re books that are organized by season, so I like to read them while we are in the appropriate time frame within the year, to inspire me as I view the changes externally and feel the shifts internally. Because, I don’t know about you, but I certainly feel a transformation within me as the blooming and warmth happens around me. I am ecstatic for March to roll in like a lion and flutter out like a lamb. My intentions for Ostara are to birth into slow even more.

If you’re looking for spiritual guidance as we approach the new month, a full mama check-in is always ideal. In addition, a lightcode activation could help kickstart an Awakening journey for spring, offering you direction and alignment for optimal spiritual growth. Or, if you’re looking to grow alongside your little(s), it may be beneficial to consider a Past Lives Intercession which will clear a karmic lesson you share and give you the advice needed to navigate and improve your relationship in this lifetime.

Wishing you the most wonderful day, as I hope only the best for you, dear reader, sweet awakened mama. And don’t forget that now is the perfect time to participate in my Awakened Mama Community interview and be featured on my blog and my Instagram Stories – kickstart a little self-promo and motherhood pride before we leap into March!

I think I will buy some birdseed and tulips.

xx C

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I love who I am in this lifetime, but if I could go back and try my hand at being someone else, I would want to be Ernest Hemingway in the 20s in Paris, or Tolkien while he was attending Oxford University with Lewis.