Perhaps it is the start of my cycle, or maybe it’s my own fault for pushing my nights later just to enjoy a little time to myself; whatever the reason, I am overwhelmed and over-stimulated today. The sound of crying causes me to disassociate. I have asked my husband on numerous occasions today to take over, worried I would snap or cry. I also need to remind myself that I shouldn’t feel guilty for having those kinds of days. Motherhood is not sunshine and rainbows in every moment. If it was easy, anyone could do it. But it’s not. It’s a mountain, and I’ve hit a landslide, today.

I guess where I feel the most guilt is that I don’t want my new month to start off on the wrong energetic foot. I suppose I have a new beginning with tomorrow – my birthday – not only allowing me to shift the energy of the month, but to shift the energy of my entire rotation around the sun. To work towards being better. That’s one of the reasons I am so captivated by the subject matter of my most recent reads.

Speaking of both my birthday and reads, I have two pretty incredible book hauls on the way: one batch from my brother and SIL, another gifted to myself from WOB. The collection is all centered around the same non-fiction vibe I’ve been riding, lately: motherhood, nature, slow living, cottagecore/coziness, etc.

I am not writing at my usual time and I can feel it. It really does impact me. Setting aside time for me in the morning is so very important; just the shift of this task has minimized its effectiveness and has caused me to disconnect from the energy I used to feel from it. R boycotted his nap and we were forced to leave the house to get him to sleep in the car, meaning I wasn’t given my slow space to connect with me. I can feel the disconnect – deeply. This emphasizes the importance of this practice.

This is where I part. I hope to have a moment to myself tonight where, beyond just being able to read a few pages, I want to scribe again. One last entry before my 36th birthday.

Wish me luck.

xx C