Today is one of those absolutely exhausted mother days. Between popping new molars, a continuing sleep regression, paired with separation anxiety (with me), R’s schedule includes a lot of whining, calling for me, and fighting sleep (then crying from exhaustion). Of course, I hold none of this against him – and the developmental leaps he is making at the same time are worthy of endless admiration and awe. But there is no denying that it is taking its toll on me; I am less of a present, active, or joyful person when I am running on empty. Pair that with feeling stuffy and still not fully recovered and you have a dead-and-or-dying mama. Let’s get it all out of my system before my birthday on Friday, no?

There can be two truths in motherhood: you can be completely in love with this vocation and blessing called “mom” while simultaneously feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. Accepting these two parts of your psyche is necessary for a healthy relationship with motherhood. Shortly after writing these words, a similar quote showed up in my Instagram feed, which feels like validation of the Truth of this. Truth, with a capital T, because it is Universal and undeniable.

One of the books I am reading speaks to these two sides of the same motherhood coin. It’s called Rewilding Motherhood. If I’m being honest, I am finding it difficult to resonate with the author’s voice in this book. The energy doesn’t really align with me, and the overarching tone feels quite negative and is heavy with victimhood (while simultaneously pandering through a performative apologist role?) – it is a very conflicting and weird energy. I will give it a few more pages and see if I can fall into it. It’s not at the top of my reading pile, and not the most exciting grab when I sit to read (which is disappointing because I felt most excited about it when I got it).

I recently discovered that Charlotte Mason stresses the importance of reading more than one book, at once. She, in fact, states that you should read three books: a stiff book (challenges your mindset and helps you learn), a moderately easy book, and a novel. I have always been a read many books at once person, but it’s difficult to adhere to Mason’s guidelines because, as I mentioned, I’m a mood-reader. The books almost always fall into one category of the three. Currently, I feel like most of my reads are in the “stiff book” category, because they’re non-fiction and are teaching me things about myself, slow living, and motherhood. I simply cannot indulge in fiction (for myself) if I’m also reading non-fiction. My brain cannot align to this.

Do you participate in Mason’s 3 Book Rule? What are you currently reading?

My self-portrait project, Behind Books With Busy Hands, continues – and I’ve created a separate page for the photos.

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Despite being pulled to understanding – and living – slow motherhood, I am always invigorated by projects. Does this go against the rules of slow living? Is a project just “busy work”? Or is it valid if it brings me joy?

My current project pull is the Master Bedroom. It was the least “cared about” room since we moved in, May of last year. I have spent far more time everywhere else in the house making the home feel like a home. The bedroom has become neglected, and is full of “leftover items” that are either too heavy to carry down to the basement, or are being used to pile clothes on when I’m lazy. The bedroom lacks life and it lacks joy. My husband consistently stressed how fitting a bookshelf would be in there and I poo-pooed the idea for so long – but now I’m seeing the vision, too. He’s right; a bookshelf would be perfect there. It would add a layer of life to the space, while being functional.

We truly only use the bedroom to go to bed, but what if I started using it as a wind-down space before bed? What if I grew to love it as much as I loved every other room in the house? What if, by making it feel more complete and homey, it also transformed the entire mood of the space and my attachment to it? I am invigorated by the idea of transforming this space and helping me to love my own bedroom – but I promise myself I will take it slow when developing my vision for it. I promise I will not rush and pick pieces that do not hit my heart-center. I promise I will look to see what is already available in storage and how it can be repurposed. I promise myself that developing this space will not add to my responsibilities but will be done at my leisure and will be done at a pace that respects my self-fulfilling time (such as that which I set aside for writing and reading).

I am excited to see how the space grows. Room rearranging, organizing, and redecorating is one of my biggest joys. I will love this space. I will bring life back into this space. I will make this space feel like home.

xx C