Another nap, another moment at the keys. I must remember the intrinsic purpose of this task: a reignition within my spirit of my passion and ultimate purpose with writing, and a moment to tune into myself and dedicate a moment solely to myself so I am better for my son when he Awakens. And it merely took writing two sentences for me to start to feel it as it consumes me completely, from the tips of my fingers and down into my toes.

My investigation into slow motherhood continues, Pinterest failing to give me what exactly I think I am looking for. It continues to seem like it’s too tied into homemaker which I know I am not and will not be (and that’s okay), so it doesn’t feel like a right definition. The idea stirs something within me – like when I have to write something and cannot contain myself – and I believe it is tied to a re-writing of it; a spiritual slow motherhood, if you will. Or: a slow motherhood with Spirit. Or: Slow Motherhood Aligned With Source. It currently appears to be surface level and physical when I think there’s more to it. No, I know there’s more to it, or I would not be continuously pulled towards my attempts to define it and understand it.

I hear three things: the water flowing through the fish tank’s filtration system, the white noise of my son’s room, the snoring of my son on the monitor. My nose is as stuffed as his, today, and when my mind is cloudy with that inflammation, I feel tired all over. My intentions for the afternoon are to adventure to my favourite thrift store in Switzerland. Today, I make a promise to myself to also look for books for me. When we go, it’s always for R – which brings me great joy – but since I am making a conscious effort to put myself first (so I can show up more complete for my family), this is one way I will do it.

My husband is currently working from home but is on a work lunch; I am secretly hoping he comes home before we leave so I can selfishly put him on baby duty while I allow myself “me time” in that space. Regardless of whether or not he takes part in today’s adventure, it will be a little escape for me – and will hopefully be the pick-me-up that my tired body needs, today.

Last night was a difficult night because R was consistently waking from nightmares. At one point, he called out to me and I spent an hour on the floor, holding his hands through the bars of his bed. He is a sleep talker/walker like his mama, which is a strange thing to be and have. I believe it is related to our ability to be physically present on the aether plane while we sleep, so much so that our bodies react on earth’s plane, as well. It’s tedious for anyone sleeping near us, though!

Alas, I have made time for my writing, but the exhaustion is kicking in. I will shut this laptop, make lunch for the little (and eventually myself), and then fall into a book for a bit.

xx C